Adjusting Expectations

When I was writing my post last week I was thinking about expectations. My expectations of a situation largely determine my attitude about it's outcome.

Let me give you an example from when I worked in the financial industry. The business I worked for would hire mystery shoppers. If those shoppers gave you excellent reviews, you could earn a cash bonus. There was a service that my company provided that I was particularly talented at. I had streamlined my process for this service so that it was not only done well, but very efficiently and I also negotiated with our vendors to do their part quickly. This service usually took about 2 weeks on average to be completed, but I could complete it in a couple days, sometimes even the same day. So, I was surprised when, month after month, my reviews came back as good, but not excellent. And I would receive no bonus.

On one of the bonus days, my co-worker caught me watching him count his bonus cash. He came over to me and said, "You know why you aren't getting the bonus, right?" I shook my head. "You are setting their expectations too high. You tell them that the work will be done in a day or two. Then, when you finish in a day or two, they are satisfied, but not impressed. And if it takes you three days, you and I both know that is still really great, but they feel irritated it took so long because you set the expectation for it to be done sooner. Next time tell them that the industry standard for completion is two weeks and don't promise anything quicker.  That way, if you get it done sooner, they will be super impressed."

I was skeptical, but I tried it and my reviews sky-rocketed. I never missed a bonus again. The reason I mention this story is because I feel that my reaction to my UC could have been different if my expectations were different.

For example, Ulcerative Colitis wouldn't seem like such a big deal if everyone in the world had UC. It would just be expected--part of life. You wouldn't think your body was revolting against you or that you were cursed. It would just be the way things were, expected. Of course, life would probably be quite different if everyone had UC. There would be a bathroom on every corner!

The times I was the most frustrated and upset with my Ulcerative Colitis was when I wanted to accomplish something and wasn't able to because I was too sick. I wish I could have told myself to adjust my expectations. To not expect to be able to do everything I could when I wasn't sick. To cut myself a break and allow myself to take it easy. To be patient and to not expect so much. If I had lowered my expectations, I don't think I would have had so many disappointments.

With lower expectations for life, I think it would have been easier to be satisfied with the things I was able to do. And, if I was able to do more, even if it wasn't like "normal", I would still be exceeding expectations and that would be a reason to celebrate.

So, my suggestion for those of you with UC is to LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. If you are sick, cut yourself a break. Be patient and easy on yourself.

But,

BUT,

Don't you ever quit. Don't you give up. Don't you stop dreaming. This moment is just that, a moment. What happens in one day does not determine who or what you will be. Dream big.

And on the days when you need a little help, listen to this song.
(Song starts at 27 seconds)


Dream Big

by Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band.
When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

Today is a gift; that's why it is called the present

My apologies for not posting. Lately, if I ever get a spare moment, I try to catch up on some sleep. With a new baby, that's important! Thank you so, so, so much to those you have made comments on my blog. I do read them, and you buoy me up.

I am still in remission. As I said in my last post, this is the longest I have ever been in remission. So truly, every day is a gift. I am also not taking any of my medications still. At first, I was just going to take a break during my baby's first few months of life when he would be at greatest risk from an allergy to the medication. But, now it has been six months and I haven't had any UC symptoms, I think I will just stay off unless/until I need to get back on. I have a full prescription sitting in my cupboard just in case.

I've been wondering what it is, if anything, that has allowed me to be in remission this long. There seems to be so much mystery and so much individuality with this illness that it is hard to determine what is going on with it. I can say that I am living my life differently than I was in the past. Before, I had a serious sweet-tooth and I indulged in the sweets regularly. I didn't exercise regularly. And I guess you can say that in general I didn't make the best health choices. I wasn't horrible, but there was definately room for improvement.

Now, I eat a lot better. I still have my sweets, but in moderation. I exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes, sometimes more.  For my birthday, my family and friends all pitched in and bought me this incredible Blendtec Blender.  It is so powerful that it is super easy to make smoothies.   So I make a fruit smoothie every other day and have even started including spinach to make it a little more healthy. 


But if I were to say the main health changes I have made that may have helped my UC, I would say it is from working to minimize stress, listening to my body, and getting enough sleep.  I have really, really worked on those things.  I try to keep things in perspective more and don't let myself get worked up over insignificant things (easier said than done, I know).  I have always been a night-owl that hates going to bed, but I have learned that not getting enough sleep really stresses the body and stress and UC...well, we know how that goes.  I have begun to be able to tell when I have pushed things to far.  If I start feeling tired, or the signs of a small cold, or a stomache, I take it easy now.  I give myself a chance to rest and recover, instead of just pushing through it.  It's hard to do that sometimes, but I just remind myself that doing too much could trigger a flare-up (maybe) and that taking a little bit of downtown now would be better than the months of recovery if I flare. 

Obviously, I'm not a doctor.  And I don't know why I've been feeling so great lately.  But, certainly efforts towards being healthy couldn't hurt!

I have more to write, but the baby's awake and this post is getting long, so hopefully I'll get a chance to write again soon. Best wishes to you all!

An Anniversary

I've been in remission for one year. It's hard to say exactly when the anniversary is because how can you tell when you are in remission for sure. But I know it was before Thanksgiving last year that I last had any UC symptoms.

This is the longest I have EVER gone without a flare-up since my first one approximately eight years ago.

I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for it to come back.

I haven't been on any medications since July. I hope that I will be able to celebrate being symptom and medication free for a whole year this summer.

Time is a funny thing. The same amount of time can seem interminably long or insanely short. Seconds pass by without any realization all the time, but can crawl by in serious situations. It is almost like time cannot be measured by any type of units, only by our experiences.

So. I have a year. It seems like such a long time ago since I was sick, and yet, not long enough to forget. Every single day, I pray and thank God that I am healthy and feeling well. Every single day.

Every Thanksgiving my family goes around the table and we each say one thing we are thankful for. A couple years ago, I was thankful for my medication that was helping my symptoms to ease.

Next week, I'll tell them I'm thankful for a year. A whole year in which I celebrated every holiday, every birthday, every wonderful regular moment pain free. And even if tomorrow I am sick again, I'll still have this year to remember.

This is a year to be thankful for indeed.

Happy Thanksgiving! May you all find your reasons to be grateful!

A Real Cause?

I don't watch very much television, but I have still seen many commercials like the one below.



When I went to YouTube to find one of these commercials to post here, I found dozens of similar commercials for the class action lawsuit against Accutane. All of these commercials clearly state that Accutane causes Ulcerative Colitis and Chrohn's Disease. Accutane has been recalled.

I never took Accutane (it's a medicine to treat severe acne). But I still find this very interesting because it is the first time I have ever heard anyone state a cause for Ulcerative Colitis. It's always just been a world of unknowns. Now I realize these commercials are lawyers saying that it is the cause, and not doctors, but I suspect that they must have a significant amount of evidence if they are going to take on the pharmaceutical company.

It just makes me wonder--was there a prescription I took that caused my UC?

Here's another one:

Better than a hole in the ground

I'm still around. Still in remission too. I've been reading blogs still, but haven't commented or written much because I usually have the baby in my arms and can't type. In fact I'm writing this now with one finger and it is frustratingly slow. My 3 year old starts preschool soon so I may get more time for my blog in a couple weeks.

Earlier this month, my father-in-law had his retina detach. I didn't know that could even happen. He underwent surgery and in just a few hours it was corrected, although the recovery time will be a few months.

This reminded me of my grandfather. He had an eye lens transplant last year to correct cataracts.

Isn't this an amazing age we live in? I am astounded that things so sensitive and delicate like an eye can be helped by modern medicine.

I thank God that I live in this time. Can you imagine having Ulcerative Colitis before there were toilets? Certainly, toilets are better than a hole in the ground.

I not only have the luxury of flushing toilets, but also medicine that helps me keep my UC under control.

And colonoscopies! Not that I am a big fan of those, but I am thankful they are around. I'm really grateful they were able to diagnose me, so that I wasn't just some crazy person with diarrhea.

If you want to know about some other advances related to UC, check out the free webinar that the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America is doing on October 6th by going here.

He's Here!

Baby D.

6/30/2010

19 inches

6 pounds 2 ounces

I haven't been online lately because I had my baby. I am exhausted, but doing well, still in remission. In fact, I am doing so much better with my recovery this time than I did with my first son and I believe the difference is because I was in a flare-up then and I am in remission this time.

After going through labor again, I still think that the pain I felt with my Ulcerative Colitis is worse than labor. Of course, I did get an epidural towards the end. Hmmm... do you think an epidural could be used for bad flare-ups?

In other UC news, I have stopped all of my medication. Thank you to everyone who weighed in with advice about continuing the medication while breastfeeding. For those of you who don't know, I have received conflicting advice from my doctors about whether it is safe to be on the medication while breastfeeding. Ultimately, since I was doing so well in remission anyway to just go ahead and stop and then if I start getting sick again, I could start up again. And hopefully if that happens, it will be after my baby is quite a bit older and the risk of allergic reaction is lower. I was on the medication when I breastfed my older son and he had no problems.

This isn't the first time I have stopped the medication. The last time I stopped, I went 11 blissful months with no symptoms. I am hoping to go even longer this time. I wonder if it might actually be beneficial to take a break from the medicine. I'm not a doctor or a scientist, but I wonder if it could make it so I don't build up an immunity to the medicine. I know with some UC cases, after a while the medicine just becomes ineffective. I don't know...what do you think?

Working with Ulcerative Colitis

I've quit my job.

It's an attempt to minimize the stress in my life.

My husband and I thought taking care of a toddler and a newborn would be enough for me to handle without workplace pressures. We're trying to keep my stress low to avoid a flare-up.

So I quit. Problem is now our finances are a lot tighter...which ironically is stressful. I'm trying not to think about it.

So instead, here are some memories of what it was like working during a period of time (we're talking several years) when I had a flare-up.

It would be nice to think if you were not feeling well that you could just call in sick. But when you don't feel well pretty much every day, sometimes you just have to go to work. My co-workers all knew I was sick, pretty much anyone that ever used the bathroom at my work knew I was sick. But my customers didn't.

In my job, I had my own office where I would meet with my customers. Unfortunately, sometimes I would really, really have to use the bathroom while I was meeting with them. I always gave them some excuse for why I had to leave. I would smile and say, "Oh, I need to go make some copies, please excuse me a moment." And then when I was two feet out the door, my smile would disappear and I would make a dash for the bathroom.

Sometimes when I got back, I would immediately feel that special feeling that tells you you just aren't quite done yet. "Whoops! I think I left one of the pages in the copy machine, I'll be right back!" Another sprint down the hall.

And if, later during our meeting, another urgent feeling would strike then, "My pen seems to be dying. I'm so sorry. Let me just run to our supply room." (This once back-fired on me when one of my clients once whipped out a pen. "Hee, hee...Gee, thanks...Did I say I needed a pen? I meant a...pencil..." If anything my Ulcerative Colitis kept my mental faculties sharp.)

Were my customers on to me? I don't know. How long does it take to make photo copies? (Especially long since not only did I have to use the bathroom but then I also had to make said photo copies). If anyone suspected anything, they kindly didn't say so.

I really don't like lying.

But I wonder how many of my clients would have preferred hearing, "I've got the runs. I know I just barely used the bathroom, but I've got to go again and if I don't go right now, you'll probably see it running down my legs in just a few seconds."

Later, my office was moved to a floor without a bathroom. How convenient. Using the bathroom, which I did probably 20 times a day, then involved running down a flight of stairs. Or should I say jumping down a flight of stairs.

Now that I've quit, I'm going to have to come up with a new exercise regiment.