Adjusting Expectations

When I was writing my post last week I was thinking about expectations. My expectations of a situation largely determine my attitude about it's outcome.

Let me give you an example from when I worked in the financial industry. The business I worked for would hire mystery shoppers. If those shoppers gave you excellent reviews, you could earn a cash bonus. There was a service that my company provided that I was particularly talented at. I had streamlined my process for this service so that it was not only done well, but very efficiently and I also negotiated with our vendors to do their part quickly. This service usually took about 2 weeks on average to be completed, but I could complete it in a couple days, sometimes even the same day. So, I was surprised when, month after month, my reviews came back as good, but not excellent. And I would receive no bonus.

On one of the bonus days, my co-worker caught me watching him count his bonus cash. He came over to me and said, "You know why you aren't getting the bonus, right?" I shook my head. "You are setting their expectations too high. You tell them that the work will be done in a day or two. Then, when you finish in a day or two, they are satisfied, but not impressed. And if it takes you three days, you and I both know that is still really great, but they feel irritated it took so long because you set the expectation for it to be done sooner. Next time tell them that the industry standard for completion is two weeks and don't promise anything quicker.  That way, if you get it done sooner, they will be super impressed."

I was skeptical, but I tried it and my reviews sky-rocketed. I never missed a bonus again. The reason I mention this story is because I feel that my reaction to my UC could have been different if my expectations were different.

For example, Ulcerative Colitis wouldn't seem like such a big deal if everyone in the world had UC. It would just be expected--part of life. You wouldn't think your body was revolting against you or that you were cursed. It would just be the way things were, expected. Of course, life would probably be quite different if everyone had UC. There would be a bathroom on every corner!

The times I was the most frustrated and upset with my Ulcerative Colitis was when I wanted to accomplish something and wasn't able to because I was too sick. I wish I could have told myself to adjust my expectations. To not expect to be able to do everything I could when I wasn't sick. To cut myself a break and allow myself to take it easy. To be patient and to not expect so much. If I had lowered my expectations, I don't think I would have had so many disappointments.

With lower expectations for life, I think it would have been easier to be satisfied with the things I was able to do. And, if I was able to do more, even if it wasn't like "normal", I would still be exceeding expectations and that would be a reason to celebrate.

So, my suggestion for those of you with UC is to LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. If you are sick, cut yourself a break. Be patient and easy on yourself.

But,

BUT,

Don't you ever quit. Don't you give up. Don't you stop dreaming. This moment is just that, a moment. What happens in one day does not determine who or what you will be. Dream big.

And on the days when you need a little help, listen to this song.
(Song starts at 27 seconds)


Dream Big

by Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band.
When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big