Did I Do That?

During this most recent flare-up, while spending quite a bit of time on the throne of thought, I've had a reoccurring question come to mind. After getting better the first time, I honestly believed I would never be sick again, so when it came back it shocked me. I had to ask if I had done this to myself. There is a mini Steve Urkel in my mind saying, "Did I do that?" while squinting through large glasses. Was something I did or didn't do the reason I am sick? Was eating certain foods or not eating something I should have the reason it came back? Was over-extending myself and not resting enough the issue? I just want to know if it was my fault. Not that it would change anything. I would like to say that it was out of my control, that it couldn't have been helped. But I don't know that.

Some other bloggers have supposed drinking to be a link. I've never had a drink in my life. I've also never smoked. Interestingly, UC is less common in smokers. I do admit that I have a sweet tooth and have indulged it over the years. I also am more "Type A" and worry a lot. Those things can be contributors. I have a relative that died with Crohn's disease...but we weren't blood related. So I'm not sure what the reason for my illness is or if I inadvertently or subconsciously caused it.

Then there is the left-sided thing...

I have Distal Colitis, meaning the disease is only in the left side of the colon. Why is this significant? Because when I was visiting with so many alternative healers there was a reoccurring theme that illness on the left side of the body is the feminine or emotional side where the right side is the masculine or intellectual side. This didn't mean much to me when I was meeting with them because I didn't discover it was on the left side until after I had the colonoscopy. When the doctor told me, I remembered the comments from the other healers. Left side = emotional side.

Recently I have started reading Louise L. Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life. I haven't finished it yet but it is basically about changing your mental patterns that create "dis-eases" in the body. Louise has a section in the book where she writes about the emotional causes for illnesses. These are some of the ones I looked up:

Colon: Fear of letting go. Holding on to the past.
Colitis: Insecurity. Represents the ease of letting go of that which is over.
Itis/Inflammation: Anger or frustration about conditions you are looking at in your life.
Left Side of Body: Represents receptivity, taking in, feminine energy, women, the mother.

She didn't specifically have UC in her book, but I think the above things would cover it. So what I get from reading her book is my left-sided UC would be caused from a fear of letting go and potentially involving females. The thing is I had kind of a lousy childhood with some traumatic events that happened. I've always felt like those events didn't have any bearing with me in my adult life, but could the fact that I have never confronted those issues be playing into my health now? If that is true than just burying those issues instead of dealing with them did cause my UC, ergo I did cause it.

Louise L. Hay said in her book that all "dis-ease" comes from a state of unforgiveness. Again, I haven't finished the book yet, but I have read where she said forgiving those that are the hardest to forgive and loving ourselves is the key to healing ourselves. Louise herself had quite a crummy life (so much so that mine seems quite rosy in comparison) and also was told she had incurable cancer. She writes that changing her thought processes allowed her to completely heal herself and she says that it can work for anyone and for any illness.

More thoughts to ponder on the throne of thought I suppose. (P.S. If anyone wants me to look in her book under other ailments, let me know and I will see what she says is the emotional tie. A friend of mine was having low back pain. I looked that up and it said lack of financial support. She is in the real estate market and has been having a tough time in this economy.)